Let me take you back, if I may, to a casual afternoon just this last week. Thursday in fact. Yes, I know I sound like I’m about to break into a rousing chorus of “Time Warp” or possibly even “Sweet Transvestite” (BTW, in my opinion, the actress who plays ‘Mercedes’ in Glee does a really great rendition of that number) but in fact, I’m setting the scene. OK, I’m probably going to sing too.
Thursday, being Darrell’s day off, has us doing the usual couple things that one does on payday – grocery shopping and BPay (BPay is the fancy title that the local telecoms, electricity companies and banks all use to indicate their easy-peasy method of internet bill-payment etc). I dealt with the bills in my PJs whilst Darrell had a massive sleep in, and after a quick lunch (told you it was a massive sleep in!) we headed out to Tweed and our best grocery friends Aldi. We’ve barely left the village and Darrell starts pulling one of the oddest faces I’ve seen on him – and trust me, I’ve seen some doozies – which he explains hesitantly as being the result of an all-powerful need to sneeze the windscreen out. I pity the oncoming traffic, all they would have seen was his left ear and a half-open eye and my “Holy cow, he’s looking out the passenger window and driving at 100 kilometres an hour in a forward direction!” expression. We got safely (thankfully!) to Aldi and set about filling our trolley to near overflow and all well within our fortnightly budget. (No, I don’t work for Aldi, but if anyone from their management team is reading this, we’re not averse to thank you shopping vouchers!)
Throughout the 45 minutes of perambulation about the supermarket, Darrell’s still pulling faces that would frighten Jason Voorhees (if you’re not sure who he is, check out the Halloween movie franchise) whilst psychically knowing what’s on the shopping list. I admit it, this time around it was me slipping a few extra treats into the trolley that weren’t on the list. Shoot me, I like seaweed rice crackers. They were on special! However, digression thy name is me.
We get around the supermarket, through the check out and I’m flipping out the re-usable shopping bags when an almighty sneeze reverberates off the large window in front of me and echoes it’s way around the supermarket. “Oh yeeeeahh. That’s what I’ve been waiting for!” is the next comment in the startled silence. I love Darrell, truly, but what a comment when his sneeze has got people ducking for cover! Suffice to say, I hand him a hanky and make a succinct suggestion regarding its use. Groceries bagged, loaded into the car, and we’re enroute home, this time with me driving as I’m not taking the chance of a sneeze that indeed might take out the windscreen.
We pull in the drive at home and I turn off the motor. Whoosh! Whee! Steam from under the bonnet! Grab something to cook honey! Thank Goddess we’d actually gotten home before that particularly dramatic punctuation to the day by the car. It would have been rather discombobulating to be haring down the motorway at 110kph (yes, the speed limit is 110) and facing a sauna situation whilst in the middle lane of 3.
Le Landbroom is off to the mechanic tomorrow. We’re hopeful it’s nothing major. *Crossing fingers, toes, eyes, legs, arms and bra-straps*
Roll on Friday 13th sayeth I! Which had us rising and shining at 0530hrs and not because Darrell had work. We were hoping to catch a glimpse of the planetary alignment on the horizon. Darrell’s plan was to hit the beach. Mine was to roll over and go back to sleep. I admit to a certain degree of evil cackling as I looked at the temperature – a balmy 8.5C. Closely followed by a little bit of “I knew it” as Darrell called me out of bed to say that indeed, we could see it from the front door. But he went to the beach anyhoo. I blame the fact of him being a Cancerian. I wrapped myself in pussies galore (you have to see that blanket to understand it) and stood out on the drive to admire the once-in-100-years event. Looking at the alignment, I considered it from a scientific standpoint. Planet’s orbits aligning, creating bright stars on our horizon. Then I considered it from a geeky kid’s standpoint. “Cool! Planet orbits aligning, creating bright stars on our horizon!” Then I considered it from a personal standpoint. “How very small we really are in the greater scheme of things when planets align and create bright stars on our horizon. What a beautiful pre-dawn view. Damn it’s cold out here and my girlie bits are freezing!” I’m nothing if not pragmatic. Back inside and back into bed to warm up. I never thought I’d say it whilst living in Australia, but it’s cold here at the beach!
Now if I could only figure out a way to harness the power of Darrell’s sneezes as an eco-friendly energy source…